And…two steps back

One step forward is thinking about the present moment and future and better moments.
Two steps back are nasty texting and nasty emailing to him.  And his girlfriend.  And sometimes his girlfriend’s husband.  And yes, sometimes as an expedient inclusive group.

One step forward is regularly seeing your therapist, your doctor, your friends, your “team.”
Two steps back are saying you want to end it all just to pull some emotion out of the bastard and withdrawing your petition for divorce because he asked you to “because she can’t go to college if I lose my job and have no money.”

One step forward is going to the grocery store you like, not the one he liked and you didn’t.
Two steps back are getting drunk and impulsively driving to his apartment, checking if her car door was locked, and then writing FUCK YOU in the dew on her windshield.  THEN knocking on the door and asking to see her and THEN flashing your lights at his window several times for good measure before you finally drive off.  (One incident, more than two backward steps.)

One step forward is setting up a Facebook page after a dictate of no “internet presence.”
Two steps back are friending people from the past you didn’t care to keep in touch with for 25 years anyway and calling old boyfriends who are old boyfriends for good reasons.

The good news is that you will eventually end up somewhere in the future and away from your pain.  The bad news is that this weird square dance-esque cadence piles on more pain to get away from.


2 thoughts on “And…two steps back

  1. I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire
    someone to do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would
    like to find out where u got this from. thanks a lot


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