Twenty-Three Stream of Conciousness Things I Hate About Him — One for Every Year I was Married

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1.  I hate him for starting a new relationship before ending ours.
2.  I hate him for his lack of respect for me.
3.  I hate him for telling me for 23 years each day was new and we’d try again — until the day he didn’t.
4.  I hate him for guilting me about the kids when he is the one who put this in motion.
5.  I hate that I never got to say goodbye to his mother who seemed to love me more than him.
6.  I hate him for having a hand to hold on to and someone to be physically intimate with (even though she’s a very unfortunately looking person) and I don’t.
7.  I hate that I have good friends to talk to, but intimacy has abruptly stopped, except for the occasional hug, from which I suck the marrow.
8.  I hate her for jumping onboard the adultery train with him.
9.  I hate that we’re at a stalemate.
10.   I hate that he goes through our neighborhood to her house for a booty call and I get to pass them on the street.
11.  I hate that even emails from him can make my blood boil.  Good thing I haven’t seen him in person for weeks.
12.  I hate that he tries to act all accommodating and polite now.   Rational.  Calm.  No amount of politeness can make up for what he did.
13.  I hate that a few years ago I didn’t pull the trigger myself.  I now know I never could have.
14.  I hate that he thinks she’s better than me.  I was good enough for raising his kids and following him where his career took him.
15.  I hate that he has no empathy.
16.  I hate that he did it right before my daughter graduates from high school.
17.  I hate that because my daughter’s the only one who will talk to him, he uses her as his friend.
18.  I hate that he pretends she’s an adult because she’s 18 and he can talk about his mistress to her.  You can’t be old enough to hear that from your dad, especially while you are still living with your mom.
19.  I hate him for involving our son who is busy in med school and didn’t want to be a mediator and said so.
20.  I hate him for throwing away college money to have a love nest.
21.  I hate that the mistress’s husband seems to be ok with it.  He told me he has to because their children are small and need him.
22.  I hate that he not only stole my future, but my past as I knew it, as well.  I had no control over losing those things.
23.  I hate that this has changed me from what I knew myself to be.  I still have hope I can piece myself together into something I’m proud of, but that ain’t happening right now…

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2 thoughts on “Twenty-Three Stream of Conciousness Things I Hate About Him — One for Every Year I was Married

  1. Oh, I feel your pain. So many of us are in the same boat. I am glad you were able to vent and get out all the negative. Now, look forward to a future full of positive energy. Put positive out into the universe and you will get it back in spades. Don’t worry, your future is bright. Remember, he will do to her exactly what he did to you, they don’t change. xoxo

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