Second star to the right and straight on ’til morning…

Peter Pan

On second thought Neverland, never mind.  Not this time.  Thanks for thinking of me, though.  I have been hanging out in Neverland too long — overstayed my welcome.  You can be a female Peter Pan.  I got married, raised kids, moved a bunch of times, tackled some health challenges, but never fully “grew up.”  I wanted so badly to marry someone different from my father and I did in the sense that he was from a different part of the country, Jewish, brash, outgoing, self-promoting, etc.  I married exactly my dad in the sense that he considers himself the boss, tells you what to do, and makes you feel bad when you can’t quite do it.

I am slowly realizing I am not a victim here, though.  I remember feeling relief when I was first with my husband because he took charge of so many things I didn’t want to deal with.  Ah…I could just be me and settle into railing against authority when I wanted something badly enough that he didn’t want me to have, or he didn’t want to have happen.  Otherwise, it was familiar and comfortable to take marching orders.

I need to be brave enough to face that part of myself.  I need to use this opportunity to be my own guide in my own life.  Thank you Neverland, but I need to skip this trip, stay here, and grow up a little.  I need to face pain and loneliness and fear and know that I can rely on myself to get through.  Can I do it?  Pretty sure I can…

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3 thoughts on “Second star to the right and straight on ’til morning…

  1. i know the feeling – like you want to just drift away (i’d prefer the beach in Mexico). but reality is here and here we must stay. stay to face the chanllenge and learn, and grown, and love . . . stay to live.

    Like

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