So many random questions, so little organized head space

question marks

  1. Why do I continue to feel like it’s a competition between me and their dad?
  2. Why do I feel like Charlie Sheen, “winning,” but pretty sure I’m not?
  3. Why do some things sting less (imagining them being intimate) and some things sting more (the kids choosing to be with him more)?
  4. Why can’t I maintain optimism for more than a few days in a row?
  5. Why is Father’s Day the day after graduation and the day I planned a brunch with the kids and without him?
  6. Why do I still have to take a wing woman with me if I think it might run into him?
  7. Why do I still want to drive by his apartment?
  8. Why did I respond with longing nostalgia when I heard his voice from my daughter’s phone?
  9. Why did he have to do this?
  10. Why can’t I handle things better?
  11. Why am I so morose?
  12. Why do I have to stay?
  13. Why was my (wonderful) cat my only companion this weekend?
  14. Why am I so weak?
  15. Why do I have to appear to be feeling better when I can sometimes barely crawl to work and pretend to do it?
  16. Why am I such a pussy?
  17. Why do I have so many emotions?
  18. Why can’t I handle them like “normal” people?
  19. Why am I being punished?
  20. Why can’t I move on?
  21. Why did this happen to me?
  22. Why don’t I get a backbone?
  23. Why don’t I try to take control of my thoughts and destiny?
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