Yesterday I woke up around 4:30, not unusual, and by 10:30 am I was making this for myself. This is the product of living alone. I would not have done it in front of my x, or children, for fear of ridicule or the tediousness of explaining myself. I was always explaining myself. They’re all so different from me.
I remember once reading that a widow still set the table and used her best dishes to dine at home. She cleaned her house on the same schedule and dressed up to go out. That sounded right to me.
I blare the TV pretty much the whole time I’m home. It talks all night. Even when I read I have the TV on. I keep a light on all night. I never used to do that. Will I “go back” to my previous “normal” behaviors? Is this a phase? Because now I drink wine before 10:30 am, and not at brunch, where we’ve all decided that’s ok. This is the first time I’ve done that, so far, post-nuclear family.
I am neither the widow nor the morning wine-drinking insomniac. Or, I am both. Sometimes routine and boundaries feel good. Almost always, actually. But sometimes homemade pizza and wine six hours after you wake up feels just right. And then a nap. I washed some clothes and dishes too.