Bad mom, bad person – confessions

Will this be good for my soul, or damaging?  Maybe not today, but someday, when this blog gets read by people I talk about.  I’m trying so hard to not be bad, that when I confessed to myself that I am, it was such a relief, and a wayth1H85ALWU to cope at the moment.

You may have read here, or known, that my X is going to my daughter’s college parents’ weekend and toting his girlfriend along, despite my daughter’s request that he not.

Then she called me and whined a little about it, and when I asked how this is happening if she said no, she said she wouldn’t discuss it with me anymore.

So, I’ve been desperately trying to mind my own business, concentrate on the good things in my life, let go of trying to control my daughter’s relationship with her father, but, that is only masking the filthy darkness that flowed down the shower drain in tears this morning (spoiler alert – stop reading if you want to maintain a good image of me, if you have one):

  • I hope the reservation I made to go to parents’ weekend, that I gave to X because he hadn’t made one, and my daughter didn’t want to deal with us both being there, is denied them because it was paid for with my credit card;
  • I hope they can’t find any accommodations (which I hear is typical in that small town and area) and causes strife between X and his 38-year-old girlfriend with three of her own kids she left behind to visit my kid;
  • I hope my daughter freaks out.  I can’t help it; I do.  She hasn’t talked to my X’s girlfriend since she babysat her kids approximately eight years ago, when her dad was married to me.  That has to be awkward, but hey, they’re all asking for it;
  • I hope they don’t do all the things they have planned to do because my daughter pulls out of them.  They’re all things her dad wants to do anyway that she does not;
  • I hope someone calls the girlfriend Mrs. [my last name].  After all, they expect my daughter’s parents;
  • I hope my X tries to call me for the first time in over a month for me to give permission for he and his mistress to use the room I booked and paid for and I ignore the call;
  • I hope he has to resort to asking our daughter to call me, so that maybe I’ll pick up, and I won’t answer her call either;
  • I hope she calls all upset about her choice to appease her dad, and how awful it is, and I don’t answer;
  • I hope she resorts to calling her big brother and then he tries to call me and can’t reach me;
  • I hope X wishes he hadn’t treated me badly;
  • I hope he wishes he had waited to leave until after our daughter graduated from high school, was the star of award ceremonies, went to prom — all the milestones, and moved right after to live in another town before college;
  • I hope she understands that a mistress is no substitute for her mother;
  • I hope they all cry like I did this morning in the shower.

It’s been nice knowing ya…

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