Dark red, not Christmas red

thT1ZFMV91Scared I will have to move suddenly and have foreclosure on my credit report.

Scared that my car payment won’t be made.

Scared to have to get new health insurance and my therapist won’t be covered.

Scared my kids will hate me for not “just getting over it” and for “wasting money” advocating for myself against their dad.

If you don’t know, or forgot,  “-” has lost his job due to his affair with his subordinate, but of course, he doesn’t spin it that way.

In need of a different lawyer.

One who is familiar with narcissism.

Mine wants to give me advice and have me deal with the narcissist directly.

That’s not how it has to work.  Minimal contact is key (but still ruins my day and keeps me up at night).

What can I say — my lawyer was giving me advice for free.

Alone.  Hate to rub all of this off on the bf.  Not very sexy.

Sleepless.

Broke.

Endlessly manipulated.

Seeing red.

Guilty because I’m unable to “choose not to be the victim.”

Weepy.

Dangerously weepy.

I don’t think tears have killed anyone, though, even the ones that slip out in public.

What I know is that if I take a breath and hold on over this pit, I will find a way to reach the other side, and not slip in.

That’s where I’ll be for a while — holding on for dear life over a pit — and believe it, or not, that’s…

Moving on

 

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