Fart Patrol and Control

This is not a joke title.  I tired of that game really quickly.  I’ve moved on to something very important:

I am an…older…woman.  I am dating an even older man.  I hadn’t been on a date as a single person since I was about 25 when I went on my first date with this man.

I think I’m pretty attractive for my age.  I don’t dress “too young” I don’t show “too much skin.”  I am not a rock hard work out queen, but softer, more feminine.  At least that’s how I justify not exercising to myself.

There is this issue of farting, however, and it’s companion, the pee leak.


So, unfortunately, I have sort of defined old people dating as an exercise in continence.  Like I said, very unfortunate.

I’m having a wonderful time.  A lot of fun things about dating stayed the same — butterflies, surprise and interest in the other person’s life stories, eating out, trying new things and experiences.

But, I have not gone #2 in his house, and I have been there almost every weekend for six months!  I try desperately to hold in gas, let it leak out lowly, or let it out where I think he won’t be until it has dissipated.  Sometimes spontaneous laughter makes me toot or pee a little.  Him too.  We  have just ignored these types of situations.

But, I think this is a woman thing.  I judge that by his barely housebroken habit of trying to get to the bathroom before letting one rip.  Or, it’s my anal retentive disorder.  In any case, it defines old people dating to me.

Will I ever go #2 in his house?  Will I fart in front of him?  Will it diminish me in his eyes?  I certainly see it as unattractive, and yet, it doesn’t diminish him in my eyes.

Did anyone think about the fact that two of my paragraphs begin with “but” in a blog about farting?  Love happy accidents!

Discuss if you’re not grossed out or offended.  I’m hoping you were just amused.  Or pitying.

Moving on


7 thoughts on “Fart Patrol and Control

  1. Fantastic! I too am dating and facing the realities of being ‘older’. I’ve often had to laugh out loud when the unavoidable happens. Too funny! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Likeliney: this post really made me laugh as it addressed the thought of but usually unsaid things that occur in relationships of some duration. I am following your blog 🙂


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