I asked “-” for a moratorium on this divorce shit until after I get back from visiting my sick mom in late January.
My friend had suggested that I hold off interviewing another lawyer until after “the holidays.” Her boyfriend is my “lawyer” and has helped me with some things, but it turns out he won’t talk to “-” directly, nor negotiate on my behalf with “-.” He said he wants to give me advice as things come up and have me negotiate and talk directly to “-.” “-” even asked my lawyer if he would be a neutral for us and he said no. Who can blame him…no cash has changed hands. But…
I can’t have that.
“-” is a manipulative narcissist. I am a card-carrying pussy. Some of that is the way I am, and some of it is how he trained me to be over our 23 year marriage.
I find it very difficult to stand up for myself and he confuses me. I filed for divorce way back and he persuaded me to withdraw it. We had to keep it secret, you see. If anyone at his work found out he was in a relationship with a subordinate, he would get fired. No job, no money, no vesting of retirement funds. I understood, didn’t I? Uh…yeah. I need money and a piece of the retirement funds. Doesn’t matter turns out. He went and got fired all by himself.
Also, my usually very diplomatic and sweet son told me if I make the divorce so expensive that his little sister couldn’t stay in college, he would never forgive me. At least, that’s what I heard him say.
So, “-” gets to make a selfish decision for himself, that affects the whole family’s lives, and I get to swallow my needs, as usual, for the good of the other three.
As I said, I just can’t have that. Not anymore.
I need to stand up for myself and get a lawyer who will have my back. I found a lawyer in my town who was recommended by a website dedicated to people who deal with narcissists, including during divorces. I called and made a consultation appointment, and then canceled it, saying it was going to be enough for me to just get through the holidays.
My keeping quiet did not result in “-” keeping his job. Lack of his salary is an issue now for my daughter’s school tuition, my living situation (I remain in the house), all four of our cars have loans, and all of our health coverage will end 1/31/16. I’m sure there are things I haven’t thought of yet, too.
Meanwhile, I have no extra money, but I still have a job. My kids go and eat the mistress’s food, play with her kids, appease their dad, and for my part, I have respected my daughter’s wishes not to meet my boyfriend yet, who is a wonderful person. He doesn’t visit me in my house, which makes it so I am at his house a lot. That upsets my daughter too.
WHY DOES “-” ALWAYS WIN??!!!
WHY DO I LOOK LIKE THE PERSON WHO CAN’T GET ON?
WHY DO MY KIDS WANT TO DISRESPECT ME BY SPENDING TIME WITH THE MISTRESS?
I’m sick to death of it and it hurts.
Usually I give totally over to people and situations. What do I know about what’s best? I’ll let you make that decision. That’s what got me into this mess. I don’t want to do that with my eventual divorce lawyer, but I need some help here. I need it in a hurry.
I don’t know if the narcissist-knower is the one for me, but I won’t know until I meet with her.
I’m dialing now, and