I’m ashamed that I don’t know certain things by now

Write it down:
At 50+, I’m ashamed that I don’t know certain things, or have learned certain lessons, by now.  They aren’t weighty things, like knowing that I don’t have to fix the dent in my car door, but I DO have to get the oil changed regularly, or how to humble myself in prayer, but I think that’s why I’m so ashamed.  They are things that should have been accomplished or learned many years ago!


Let it go:
I have no idea how to open one of the light boxes under my cabinets to take out the burned out bulbs, and I have a burned out bulb.  I pulled on the box in a couple of places but it didn’t budge.  Shit.  Another thing for the growing fix it list.

It should not be a mystery what my body likes to eat, or how much, or when is a good time.  Right?  Or what it likes for exercise.  (I know what it doesn’t like!)  The only defense against this, that I can think of, is that we change all the time and our needs are different. Is that true for everyone?  I feel like some people understand themselves very well and do the same things over and over and are happy with that.  The trick for me becomes how quickly I can recognize and adapt to what my body needs.

I received the kindest words at a work gathering last Friday.  The gathering wasn’t about me, but several topics were discussed.  I said that I was shocked to learn that my bf was the same age as a very old-seeming guy in our office.  I went on some more about our age difference – 11 years.  Almost every one of them said that at our age, “age” is not really a concern.  Some “old” people are “young at heart” and some young people are older in their heads, or more conservative, or whatever.  The old-seeming guy at our office does have a very young wife, younger than every woman at the gathering!  As I write this, I know I’m not conveying how good this made me feel.  But it did.  I felt relieved.  Maybe because I found out that they don’t judge relationships as harshly as I used to.  th6WF5Q6O5

Moving on:
I think I will try to stop overlaying labels and rules on everyone and everything.  It’s my nature, but it doesn’t seem to be that helpful.  A more useful skill would be to be open and adapt to what’s going on.  No judgment.  Might free up a lot of head space.



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