This vendetta is getting so heavy I’d like to put it down.
I have lots of excuses for carrying it:
- If he would at least ask for forgiveness I could entertain giving it.
- I am always the “giver.” Why do I have to “give” my forgiveness AGAIN — especially since it was something he banked on? Did the deed because it would all work out ok? How does that honor me and what I went through?
- As people say, it does hurt me more than it hurts him, but I’ll take any hurt it causes him.
Yuk! I disgust myself.
My daughter did something “unforgivable” in high school. Precious few of her friends stuck by her. Two of her closest are still adamant that they won’t forgive her. Her actions hurt those two the most.
My daughter had a big scary battle with depression and anxiety. I feel like she could not be held accountable for what she did because of her mental state. And, afterward, in a clearer state, she begged people to forgive her. Still, some of them practically spat in her face and walked away. Some of the parents of these kids talked smack about my daughter, too. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t understand that she was young, sick, under a lot of pressure (including her father leaving us), etc. and she deserved a second chance. I told her that people who couldn’t forgive her haven’t needed forgiveness in their life yet.
But, “-” never asked for forgiveness. In fact, he said he was not shamed. Not sorry. He would not hide from society.
So, I still haven’t been able to forgive, and as I said, the vendetta is getting very heavy to lug around.
Does someone have an answer to this? I have read to the ends of the internet for clarity, but there has been no ah-ha moment for me. It hasn’t worked to say that living well is the best revenge, forgiveness is for me not him, blah blah blah. None of that works for me.
How can I forgive him for something he’s not sorry for (and flaunts) and honor myself? How can I forgive my daughter so easily, but not him?
Believe me, I have needed forgiveness in my past, too. I want people to give me a second chance. But, I really believe that I try not to hurt people, don’t do it on purpose, and if I do, I apologize. Does everyone think that? Am I just as “bad” a person as he is?
Is the answer to this issue that bastard again? Father Time?
Father Time, Mother Nature, and most cats, rule us all.