Father Time, Mother Earth, and most cats

This vendetta is getting so heavy I’d like to put it down.

I have lots of excuses for carrying it:

  • If he would at least ask for forgiveness I could entertain giving it.
  • I am always the “giver.”  Why do I have to “give” my forgiveness AGAIN  — especially since it was something he banked on?  Did the deed because it would all work out ok?  How does that honor me and what I went through?
  • As people say, it does hurt me more than it hurts him, but I’ll take any hurt it causes him.

Yuk!  I disgust myself.

My daughter did something “unforgivable” in high school.  Precious few of her friends stuck by her.  Two of her closest are still adamant that they won’t forgive her.  Her actions hurt those two the most.

My daughter had a big scary battle with depression and anxiety.  I feel like she could not be held accountable for what she did because of her mental state.  And, afterward, in a clearer state, she begged people to forgive her.  Still, some of them practically spat in her face and walked away.  Some of the parents of these kids talked smack about my daughter, too.  I didn’t understand why they couldn’t understand that she was young, sick, under a lot of pressure (including her father leaving us), etc. and she deserved a second chance.  I told her that people who couldn’t forgive her haven’t needed forgiveness in their life yet.

But, “-” never asked for forgiveness.  In fact, he said he was not shamed.  Not sorry.  He would not hide from society.

So, I still haven’t been able to forgive, and as I said, the vendetta is getting very heavy to lug around.

Does someone have an answer to this?  I have read to the ends of the internet for clarity, but there has been no ah-ha moment for me.  It hasn’t worked to say that living well is the best revenge, forgiveness is for me not him, blah blah blah.  None of that works for me.

How can I forgive him for something he’s not sorry for (and flaunts) and honor myself?  How can I forgive my daughter so easily, but not him?

Believe me, I have needed forgiveness in my past, too.  I want people to give me a second chance.  But, I really believe that I try not to hurt people, don’t do it on purpose, and if I do, I apologize.  Does everyone think that?  Am I just as “bad” a person as he is?

Is the answer to this issue that bastard again? Father Time?

Father Time, Mother Nature, and most cats, rule us all.

 

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6 thoughts on “Father Time, Mother Earth, and most cats

  1. I wish I had advice to give. I have not been able to find forgiveness for what he himself called acts that were “unforgivable”, and I doubt I ever will, but with time I have been able to move on and redirect my energy elsewhere. Mostly for the sake of my kids. I hate to say it comes with time, but it really does. You just move into what some called a state of “meh” where it doesn’t matter anymore, or at least, it doesn’t matter as much. Stay strong.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You know, after I vomited that all up, I have been visualizing bubbles and fizziness. Lightness. Champagne or seltzer or something. Maybe just getting it off my chest helped to lighten things up a little. Of your excellent suggestions, I would like to eat cake. With you! Since we live continents apart (for just one obstacle) I’ll just have to get some cake and remember who gave me the idea to eat it for it’s healing qualities. Thank you. XX

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m reading your posts backward through time here, so “forgive me” if they are a bit chaotic. Forgiveness is tricky thing. In Christian societies we are almost pressured to offer it, even when it is fairly impossible. I mean, why in the heck should a rape victim (just as an example) be pressured to forgive? Forgiveness is not the only means to an end with the “end” being closure. There are other ways to free yourself of your ex’s power over your state of mind. There are other ways to put distance between your past experiences and your choices about the way to go forward.
    Your daughter’s situation is harder because school kids are such absolutists. Is there anyone in the school (a teacher? guidance counselor?) who can mediate a talk between her and her estranged friends? We do this in my school and it always helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comments. The thing about my daughter is that she graduated a year ago. The only time it rears it’s head is when she sees classmates over breaks or something. But, I wish she had gone to your school. Her guidance counselor suggest she transfer to another high school! For her senior year! In fairness they talked to her, us, her parents, the parents of other kids, the other kids. They tried. They just didn’t have the kids themselves hash it out. At least I’m not aware that they did.

      Like

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