I talk about my daughter a lot. She’s the youngest. I baby her. She’s in college and is sometimes a child and sometimes an adult. Well, that could describe all of us. Ask my 77 year old mother, of whom I am the baby.
But, I have a son who’s older. In medical school. Very different. First child like. More…open? Hard to describe their differences. They are very much alike as well. I’m not telling anyone with more than one kid anything new.
I was very close to my son until his father took over parenting him when my son was in middle school. And let’s face it, the younger (read less important female to my ex) child needed some attention, too.
My son and I have an appointment to talk on the phone tonight. It’s going to be uncomfortable, I think. When my ex gets fed up with an email exchange we are having, or texting war, he calls my son. That happened recently.
Does he call my son because my son can talk reason, and can talk anyone off a ledge? I’d like to think so, but it’s not about concern for my wellbeing. It’s more about humiliating, I believe. “Your mother’s acting crazy again,” I can hear him say. That, by the way, is projecting and gaslighting, if you’re familiar with narcissism lingo.
So, my son knows more than I want him to know about his mom. Not that I haven’t contributed to that. When his father left me, I talked to him quite a bit. Too much. He seemed mature enough to handle it, and I needed desperately to talk things through. I regret that. I have plenty of friends I could have turned to.
But, the cat is out of the bag. He probably knew I wasn’t perfect before I knew he knew. ?? Is that right ?? I know he’s not perfect, either, but he is a joy and a great listener. Open-minded. Levelheaded.
I don’t want to, and I do want to, talk to him. I have to. Not about this divorce mess, but about his life, my life, and our lives. We have to try to get on the same page again. Move forward. Be content putting the past behind us — all those bullshit sayings.
Wish me luck…