It’s not working…

img_3209You can see I have 5?  6? strips of gratitude so far.

I am grateful, but…

I still have painful feelings.  Lots of them.

I watched a TV show Monday night and one of the characters looked like the new Mrs.

I dreamed about her.  I had a nightmare and she was the star.

We kept titting-for-tatting and at one point someone asked her how what she and my X were doing made her feel.

She looked at me and said, “Exhilarated.”

You can’t make this shit up, except…

Apparently, I did.

I’m aware that, let’s call it 6, days of anything is barely a try.  A 6-day diet would get you practically nowhere, but, I wish it worked faster.

Maybe it’s just not going to go away until time takes it.

It has been 20 months.  This separation/divorce hasn’t even reached it’s terrible 2’s yet.

I have recorded 6 things I’m grateful for.

Maybe I’ll hang in there a little longer.


7 thoughts on “It’s not working…

  1. I know the feeling well of being at battle with my own emotions. At some point – I think it was when I was trying to help my daughter through something – I said she should never recriminate herself about the way she feels: “Feelings are never right or wrong or good or bad. They are what they are. It is how you act on them that matters.”
    I was telling her, I was telling myself, I am telling you now – never feel bad about yourself based on what you feel. Emotions are what they are. Accept them and try to do no harm. Including to yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks back! I always worry about inadvertently giving people “well-meaning advice”. I never want to tell people how they should think or feel or act. So I am happy you find your own meaning in my shared experience. Hoping the best for you!


  2. I definitely think you should keep going. First of all, six things to be grateful for is six (or even seven ) things more than some people have. While that comparison shouldn’t make you feel better, you should understand it isn’t actually a contest or a numbers game.
    This next part is going to sound corny…but you don’t know me, so I can be as corny as I want.
    In Eat Pray Love (yes, I read it and liked it) she did a little exercise where she concentrated on one small feeling of love and expanded that through her body. Just one good thing can fill you with a good feeling. Take one of them and really concentrate on it and let it expand and flow over you.
    This is not an instant solution. Bad feelings will crop up and need to be dealt with, but they don’t have to be the main focus of your day and they don’t have to last for a long time.
    Now I sound corny….but I am rooting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love the fact that you read Eat Pray Love and that you admit it. I have not read it, but I think I will now. I also love that idea of the one good feeling expanding. After all, that’s what happens with bad feelings, so why not reverse it? Thank you for sharing that idea. It’s perfect. Thanks for rooting for me and please continue to be “corny.” It is a breath of fresh air.


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