It runs in my family.
I couldn’t wait to move away from my family, partly because I couldn’t take it any more. Up close. Day to day.
I have had my own bouts to focus on surviving, too. Because it’s not a one-and-done thing. It’s a frightening, chronic bad penny that shows up periodically on the sidewalk of life.
What I’m learning, though, is something y’all may know already:
If you run from a lesson the first time (in this case how to live with and through depression — yours or someone’s that you care about), that’s not going to be a problem.
It can wait. It will wait.
It will hit you up again in your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s…are you ever going to learn this lesson?
You will give in eventually. It’s exhausting to be haunted by lessons that insist on being learned, especially if that lesson is living with, and through, depression. Yours, or someone’s that you love.
It is a re-fucking-lentless law of the Universe.
I ran from family members with depression, who I couldn’t keep “helping,” in my own haphazard way. I had my own shit. But now I have a child with it.
Let me tell ya…it’s much worse to watch someone you pushed out your vag struggle with depression. I wish I had learned more about it before she came along.
I also have daddy issues. Now he’s gone. I can’t work it out with him anymore, but I’m pretty sure he sent my bf to help me with that lesson. Thanks, Dad.
My advice, which is worth just what you’re paying for it, (a saying of my Dad’s):
When the lesson comes for you —
Try to share it with someone so it can’t hide in the dark.
Learn the lesson when it presents itself, and when you don’t, try again the next time.
Don’t be afraid that you are not an expert. It’s not about that.
It’s about abiding ourselves, and our loved ones, as we are, and not looking away.
The lesson will still be there when you turn around.
It’s only going to hide while you’ve looked away at “plans” or “life” or blah blah…
You must stare each other down for things to get better.
And it escalates when you’re unwilling to look it in the eye.
Who knows, maybe depression is learning lessons from how differently it manifests in each of us?
If that’s the case, you’re welcome depression.
Have your people call my people. Let’s learn how to interact with each other a little more harmoniously.