I’m sick of…actually, nothing today…Let’s talk about being, and showing, love.


From Daniel Scranton’s blog post, “The Most Important Question”  who’s blog I follow at http://danielscranton.com:

“…there is only one question that is ever worth asking. That question is, ‘What is the way that I can be the Love that I know I truly am in this moment?’ “

Okay, it’s easy to love loveable, likeable, and even neutral people in our lives, but what about the pesky narcissists who have put us through the ringer?  Sociopaths?  Evil people?

“When you let go of all of the other questions that you’ve been asking yourselves, it is quite liberating. It is so much simpler and easier for you to just look to Love to be the answer.”

Okay….go on…

“No matter what the situation, there is a loving response, even if that loving response is showing yourself the Love that you are and giving yourself that Love. You will always know what to do when you ask that question and when you check in with your heart for the answer. Second-guessing only occurs in the mind. So when you go with your gut and you follow your heart, you give your mind a much-needed rest and you allow yourselves to fulfill that ultimate purpose.”

In a situation with a narcissist, the “loving response” would be to show myself love?  Not them?  I’m not saying the quote was meant to address my question, but I can’t come to an answer from the post, which I want desperately to understand and believe.  Despite my deep hatred for the narcissist in my life, I was raised to believe that everyone deserves forgiveness, even the [throat clearing reluctance] most egregious among us.

Is this clear to anyone?  Is it me?  Maybe you could read his post and explain it to me?  Maybe I should ask Daniel Scranton directly if he can help me out?





4 thoughts on “I’m sick of…actually, nothing today…Let’s talk about being, and showing, love.

  1. I wrote a really long response to this and then hit the wrong button and it disappeared.
    Here’s the second (shorter) attempt.
    Anyone who tells you that Love is the Answer is also telling you how you should feel.No one should be telling you how you should feel.

    This is what I tell my daughters: The feelings you have, right now, are neither good nor bad, nor right nor wrong. They are what they are. It is only when you act on them that they become someone else’s business.

    Saying that people who act despicably “deserve” your forgiveness is nonsense. It puts the responsibility on you to be doubly humane as an antidote to their inhumanity. It tells you that there is a right and wrong way to feel.

    Here’s my philosophy
    I definitely do NOT have to love everyone. I don’t have to like everyone. I don’t even have to respect everyone. I only have to respect their right to co-exist with me. And, if I want to continue to like myself, I shouldn’t harm anyone.


  2. Thank you! I hear you. I do. I think the difference is, that I want to believe we are all love at the core. Problems arise when we don’t act like we are…love. That doesn’t mean I can, or even should, have a “loving” reaction to anyone who does me wrong. In that instance, I think to “be love” would be to show MYSELF love. There’s being love at the core, and acting in a loving way. Two different things. The first one, you might not believe — that we are pure love, and I’m not sure I believe it, either, and the second is acting in a loving way — having loving feelings.

    I don’t want to be angry about my situation anymore. It’s exhausting. So, I’m looking for a way to move on. I can try to come at this situation from love, but what would that look like? Like you said, I don’t deserve to have to be doubly humane to make up for his inhumanity. I don’t want to see him, or have a conversation where I know he’s trying to manipulate me, or him to hurt my daughter, especially, but my son too. He told my daughter her not accepting his new wife hurt his heart. What heart? And what about the many hearts they hurt? So, as you can see, I have plenty of non-love feelings that are logical reactions, and they don’t need to be loving. I get that my feelings are mine, and they are all valid. However, if I choose to believe that we are beings of love, but I can’t be loving toward him, that’s still fine. To me, that goes along with your idea of respecting his right to co-exist in this world.

    Then I wonder, is HE pure love? Are sociopaths pure love? Aren’t the pure evil? Or, are they just so far from remembering what they are, from their own trauma, perhaps or whatever, that they are disassociated from themselves as they were meant to be?

    I don’t know.

    I am thankful for your thoughtful response. It keeps the wheels turning and the questions coming, which is good!


  3. I agree with circumstance227, that we have to respect others right to coexist, and further think that we have to assert our own truths as often and as loudly as they need to be asserted so that we can have our own respected existences – what I’m sadly learning is that bullies won’t treat you any other way than what *you* demand they do. This pains me deeply as I tend to shy away from conflict.

    A bully (sociopath/narcissist) will absolutely devour your loving ways and take advantage of them whenever and wherever possible, but they will also back off in response to firm and appropriate boundaries. Helping them understand where the fence lies is an incredibly loving act – if not also an incredibly difficult thing to do. It may be the only act of love we can offer them.

    Teaching our children how *not* to accept bad behavior and gas lighting can also be a loving act. This may require a bit of calling out his bs for what it is.

    Your daughter didn’t deserve to get sh*t on but that won’t stop him from doing it. She may need to retort his “hurt heart” by helping him see how his ‘my way or the highway’ attitude is exclusionary, hurtful, and actually causal to why she may not be able to accept his new love interest.

    I’m kind of speculatively ranting about this, and I apologize for that. I too have an ‘ex’ that acts this way (and young kids stuck in the middle). Reading about your experiences have been validating and have helped me to put some of my own in perspective.


    1. Wow! Also wonderful information! I think what you’re saying is true. I need to digest it. Part of a “normal” person’s problem is that they (I) am in so denial that he really is this way. Surely, it must be a temporary thing. (No.) I have noticed that when I set a boundary, like not emailing me during the day so I don’t get upset at work, he follows it as if it is a higher edict than from me. I marveled at that. I am starting to work on more boundaries that I can live with and I can see how modeling that for my daughter would be a gift to her. And, I have to work through the grief and bury that old relationship. Thank you for commenting!


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