Him: It’s less than half of what I thought it was going to be. I know the court decree said we would split it, but I’d like to offer you the whole amount to wrap this last piece up amicably.
My friend: Take it.
Me: The difference between what you told me it was going to be, and what it is, is $_________. I prefer that you “offer” me half of that difference and I’ll chalk it up to 25 years of a lesson in naivete.
Him: I’ll have to think about your counter offer.
Me: Tell me what she decides.
Him: Cute. We agreed that it was not worth arguing with you. I’ll send you the check next week.
Me: If that’s the case, make it an even $__________. We would appreciate that.
Him. No thanks.
Me: Uh…rhetorical, but ok.
Him: Since you decided never to take responsibility for your part of the failed relationship blah, blah, blah. I’m just stupid for hoping you’ll change your mind eventually.
Me to myself: Well, you got that last part right. And I’m better off finally knowing he’ll never change anything, either.
Will I get the check next week? I’m not holding my breath.