What does a just-in-case goodbye sound like? “Have a good surgery, and if you don’t make it, I loved you?”

That can’t be right.

My friend with breast cancer is in surgery.  Right now.  Her daughter was keeping her mother’s friends posted and we thought she went in at 12:30.

We were all “up.”  Reports were that she was sassy and chatty and fine right before she was wheeled away.  She was Snapchatting me in her hospital gown!  Just silly stuff.

There was no room for heavy, potentially sorrowful conversation.  She’s not that kind of person.  There didn’t seem a need for it, anyway.  People don’t die “on the table” anymore do they?

But then HOURS went by.  I couldn’t help myself — I asked if there was any news.  She didn’t actually go into surgery until 1:30, her daughter found out, and it was predicted to last 4 hours.

My ex-father-in-law went in for surgery and never came out.  I called him the day before, to wish him luck, and it was clear that he thought it was just going to be an exploratory thing.

This makes it so you can’t say “goodbye,” especially if they don’t know, or acknowledge, that there’s a chance they might be going!

I started to PANIC about my friend.  This cannot happen.  I cannot have her die when I couldn’t muster some sort of goodbye.  Her mother died in the hospital many years ago, unexpectedly, too.

I feel like I’m whipping myself into an emotional frenzy, but seriously, I’m having a hard time facing potential tragedy here.

Please live.  Please live through this first phase of treatment.

 

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