But it’s my one job, to get myself through life, no matter how much of a mess I make, like…
Drink too much
Surf the net
Find a picture of the new Mrs. at a ball game
Text and email it to people, including my kids and their dad — the Mr., pointing out how ugly she is (Don’t take any shiny red apples from her!) (Where did she park her broom?)
Then tell Mr. I hate him and when can I plan on him dying?
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR. AND CRAP, IT’S MY BEHAVIOR.
I would have looked down my nose, and shunned someone else by now, who behaved this way. But I don’t have that luxury.
I’m stuck with this petulant, sarcastic, mean, me.
It does give me LOADS more empathy for similarly situated people. Taking the high road is…well, it’s damn near impossible…for me.
The reason for my behavior is hard to describe. I don’t want him back. I don’t want to live in the past.
I cannot get over being betrayed. I don’t deserve it. And for her. (She really is ugly and I’m not. I used to think I was kind, and she is very aggressive and self centered). My son said that it didn’t make sense like that. Well, how does it make sense, then?
So, I troll around hoping to find clues that Karma has shined her light on them for collectively hurting me. I look for changes on her Facebook page. I drive by their house every once in a while.
Nope. No signs. They are either living happily ever after, OR, their hardships are hidden away from Facebook and the outside of their house. Like my hardships were. Like people’s hardships are. I want them to have hardships for being such shitty people, and fast.
But, that is none of my business. Karma has her own timing, and maybe, somehow, in some way, they don’t deserve “bad” Karma. And, I’m over here racking it up.
I can grasp that.
Until the cycle starts again.
God I’m sick of my immaturity; my inability to learn certain lessons, no matter how many times I’m put through them. It’s not a good look on this middle aged woman.