I’m “woke,” but not in the way you’d want

thK7I76TO2I just feel…woken up.  What have I been doing for three years?  Is it culminating to something?

In six days it will be the third year anniversary of the fateful trip “-” took with the woman he married after me.

#metoo Jennifer Willoughby.  Hash-fucking-tag.

It would have also been my 26th wedding anniversary.  And, of course, it’s a lot of other things.  Good people’s birthdays, the day after Valentine’s Day.

Yeah.

I hate being a cliché, but I’m pretty done.  All the books said three years was it.

Am I headed to more commitment with my bf?  Am I ever going to change jobs to something I won’t loathe until I’m 67?  Or 70?

Will I be forever menopausally fat?

I’m engaging in EMDR soon.  I hope this will help, and yet, I hope it’s not just another method I’m going to try to be comfortable in my life and skin.

I get tired.  You know?  I’m tired of “trying.”

And yet, what’s my alternative?

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “I’m “woke,” but not in the way you’d want

  1. You know that movie… “I see dead people”?? Well I (like you apparently) see bullshit. And once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. When you see the worst of some people, that shit is hard to unsee. And it’s hard to not see it in the next one or some other one. And then seeing somehow becomes expecting. And then… I get it sister. You are not alone. Keep writing. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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