No one’s sayin’ it so I will — Trump is gaslighting us — like a narcissistic boss

18-alec-baldwin-trump_w190_h190_2xGaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.
— Wikipedia

It’s not quite true that no one’s sayin’ it.  As I was searching for articulate explanations of gaslighting on the internet, I came across this from Monday:

Donald Trump is ‘gaslighting’ all of us
“The fact is Trump has become America’s gaslighter in chief.
If you’ve never heard the term, prepare to learn it and live with it every day. Unless Trump starts behaving in a radically different way after he becomes President, gaslighting will become one of the words of 2017.
The term comes from the 1930s play “Gas Light” and the 1940s Hollywood movie version (Gaslight) in which a manipulative husband tries to unmoor his wife, played by Ingrid Bergman, by tampering with her perception of reality.
That’s only the beginning…”
“…He told his supporters to “knock the crap out” of protesters at his rallies, adding “I will pay your legal fees.” When confronted with the statement, he responded: “I didn’t say that.”
After mimicking a disabled reporter and seeing the video used as evidence against him, he repeatedly denied it, claiming his opponents should be embarrassed to say he did. “I would NEVER mock disabled. Shame!”
Right on Frida Ghitis.
Battling narcissists is like playing whack-a-mole.  You divorce one, and in no time another one becomes the president of your country.
If you haven’t had the pleasure of sorting out a place for the inevitable narcissist in your life, take it from Frida and me,  it’s only the beginning.
Buckle the fuck up.

I have a son, too

I talk about my daughter a lot.  She’s the youngest.  I baby her.  She’s in college and is sometimes a child and sometimes an adult.  Well, that could describe all of us.  Ask my 77 year old mother, of whom I am the baby.

But, I have a son who’s older.  In medical school.  Very different.  First child like.  More…open?  Hard to describe their differences.  They are very much alike as well.  I’m not telling anyone with more than one kid anything new.

Image result for mother and grown son

I was very close to my son until his father took over parenting him when my son was in middle school.  And let’s face it, the younger (read less important female to my ex) child needed some attention, too.

My son and I have an appointment to talk on the phone tonight.  It’s going to be uncomfortable, I think.  When my ex gets fed up with an email exchange we are having, or texting war, he calls my son.  That happened recently.

Does he call my son because my son can talk reason, and can talk anyone off a ledge?  I’d like to think so, but it’s not about concern for my wellbeing.  It’s more about humiliating, I believe.  “Your mother’s acting crazy again,” I can hear him say.  That, by the way, is projecting and gaslighting, if you’re familiar with narcissism lingo.

So, my son knows more than I want him to know about his mom.  Not that I haven’t contributed to that.  When his father left me, I talked to him quite a bit.  Too much.  He seemed mature enough to handle it, and I needed desperately to talk things through.  I regret that.  I have plenty of friends I could have turned to.

But, the cat is out of the bag.  He probably knew I wasn’t perfect before I knew he knew.  ??  Is that right ?? I know he’s not perfect, either, but he is a joy and a great listener.  Open-minded.  Levelheaded.

I don’t want to, and I do want to, talk to him.  I have to.  Not about this divorce mess, but about his life, my life, and our lives.  We have to try to get on the same page again.  Move forward.  Be content putting the past behind us — all those bullshit sayings.

Wish me luck…